Santana wishes she could rewind the clock maybe five minutes; wait for Rachel to come in the door again and be there to give her a hug, and say something fucking supportive (she’s been around enough supportive people now to know how that shit works out) because then this wouldn’t be happening.
“Rachel—what are you saying?” she finally asks, when Rachel won’t look away, tears still running down her face.
“You almost kissed me, that night. And for one stupid second, I actually thought—I actually believed that someone like you could want someone like me. But—it was only because you were so drunk that it didn’t even matter that it was just me there, wasn’t it?”
Every word that comes to her mind in response to that statement lodges in Santana’s throat, and all she can do is stare at Rachel.
It’s almost like she’s seeing her for the very first time.
“Rach,” she says, almost pleadingly, because this is too much. Two minutes ago, they were Rachel and Santana, and now they’re—she has no idea, but her lungs ache, and something underneath them hurts even more.
Rachel finally averts her eyes, if only to grab her keys from the key bowl again. “It’s just really hard to believe sometimes that I’m pretty enough for Broadway, when I’m clearly not even pretty enough for you.”
She’s out the door in less than two seconds after that, without her purse, and some part of Santana wants to run after her because it’s nighttime and she doesn’t have her rape whistle, but—
She just can’t. She just sits there, stupidly looking at the half-vegan pizza she ordered because she knew Rachel was going to be home early for a change, and feels like she really should have seen this coming somehow.
Blind With Casualties (x)
New headcanon: Santana is only back in NYC for two weeks before she gets a call from Quinn asking her if she wants to come up for a visit. Which ends in them partying and back in bed together. They get themselves into a situation where when one of them has had one too many drinks they call the other for a hookup. Santana is using Quinn to forget about Brittany, and Quinn starts it as way to explore these new lady loving feelings. After so many nights of lying together side by side, with Santana finally letting herself be vulnerable in front of someone else, Quinn ends up falling for her. The cycle continues long after Quinn has stopped needing that liquid courage to pick up the phone, but Santana is still in love with someone else, and it’s starting to kill Quinn every time Santana calls her after a few glasses of wine.
Okay so it’s like this
After taking time to clam down and think about everything that happened I’m still really fucking happy for both Quinn and Santana.
This was good for both of them. Quinn who has never had a positive sexual experience before finally got to see what all the fuss is about. She got to enjoy an aspect of life that no one should feel shame about. She owned her body and sexuality, and dammit I’m happy for her. Seeing Quinn Fabray happy happens once in a great while, which is usually followed up immediately by tragedy(trust that I know it’s coming), so I’ll cherish whatever it is that can put an actual smile on that girl’s face.
And I know Brittana is still on. It was always on, but they aren’t together right now. Santana shouldn’t wait around for someone who’s in a relationship and feeling like shit cause she’s lonely. Also Brittany was the only girl Santana had ever been with and that wouldn’t be good for them in the long run. I don’t know if it’s just me but I’d rather see them off doing their own things now than to break up years down the road and their relationship be completely broken. Cause seriously no one stays with their high school sweetheart forever anymore, and when they do someone somewhere down the line was getting a little strange on the side.
So please stop saying people are “jumping ship” cause they aren’t. They are seeing two people who were genuinely happy to share a beautiful experience(read: Smokin hot sex). Who knows if it really is just a one time(two times? more than they could count times? I’m just saying we don’t know how many times they boned) thing or if it’ll possibly turn into something, can’t we just be happy for these characters that we love?
LOOK AT HOW HAPPY THEY ARE AND TELL ME I’M WRONG FOR LOVING THIS!